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4 Bad Reasons to Decide to Adopt

Adoption May Not Be For You

I believe that everyone should support adoption.  I don’t believe everyone should adopt.  That is why I said adoption may not be for you.

There are a lot of decisions that go into making such a big move.  Bringing a child into your home is huge.  There are good motives, and not so good motives.

How can you know if your decision is based on good reasoning?  Here are 4 bad reasons to adopt.

1. If We Don’t, Who Will?

The old, “If not you who? If not now, when?” arguement is a good one.  However, it is not a sufficient reason to adopt a child.

The truth is, maybe you should adopt.  Still, if you don’t, someone else will. you are not the only person in the world thinking about adoption.

The decision to bring a child into your home should not be made lightly.  Children in the adoption and foster care system don’t need martyrs, they need loving parents.

Adoption is tough, and if you are not being called to it, the “if we don’t, who will” arguement will provide very little strength in difficult days.

Forget about everyone else.  The only family that matters in this decision is yours.  Are you being called to adopt?

2. There are so many children who need homes!

Yes. There are.

This fact alone is not sufficient to make your decision for you.

Children need homes, but they need the right homes, with the right people.

Please don’t mistake what I am saying.  I didn’t say they need perfect homes with perfect people.  I simply said they need the right homes with the right people.  Maybe yours is on of those homes. If it is, then go for it!  If you are not sure, then maybe you should wait until you are sure.

Moving too quickly is not going to be healthy for you, or the child you adopt.

3. I have always wanted to adopt!

Great!  I was one of those parents as well!  I had wanted to adopt a child since I was young.

However, when I got married, my wife did not share that dream.  I could have pushed her into it, and she would probably have gone along for the sake of temporary peace.  I didn’t push her.

I waited nearly 11 years before my wife was ready to proceed.  I never lost the dream and desire, but that desire alone was not a good reason to adopt.

There are many things I want to do that I will never do.  Sometimes we are just in love with the idea of adopting.  If your spouse does not share you dream, or is not willing to pursue it at this time; wait.  Adoption is a team effort.  Now may not be the right time.

4. Adoption is the only way we can have a family.

Wow…that is a tough one.  Still, not a good enough reason by itself.  We need to examine your thinking here.  If you are called to adopt, then do it.  If you are looking for a replacement child, then don’t.  I know that sounds harsh, but that is exactly how some people view adoption.  “It is the next best thing to having our own children.”

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Children in need of foster care or adoption don’t need to be the next best option.  The deserve all the love and care we can give them.

Children in need of foster care or adoption have significant challenges which can make them different from your biological kids.  Again, this is a reason that the “next best thing” is not a good reason to decide to adopt.

How would you feel if your spouse only married you because they couldn’t have the one they really wanted.  They love you, but you always know that you are the next best thing.  How would you feel?

Adoption has allowed many families who could not have biological kids to finally realize the joy of parenting.  I think that’s awesome.  I am not trying to discourage you.  I am simply saying that it may not be the best reason to proceed.


I will follow this article with one in which I will list some great reasons to adopt.  I hope that this is not discouraging.  I simply want to help you stop for a moment and examine your motives before deciding to pursue adoption.  If you have, and are still going ahead, then I am 100% in your corner!  Welcome aboard!  As an adoptive dad, I would love to offer any help or encouragement I can along your journey.

Let me know your thoughts on this article, or any questions you might have that I can answer.  I always enjoy your feedback.

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